UNCLE JASPER’S QUICK GUIDE
TO SPICY BEDROOM ETIQUETTE
Ladies, do you really want your man to cower and grovel and beg you not to hurt him? Wouldn’t you rather he snarl and flex and defy you with his dominating manliness? Don’t you want him to be a man, and not some wimpering wuss? A man who could never be broken, like a Steve Reeves? I’d bet money this is exactly what many of you want your man to be.
My books and audios tend to get categorized as FemDom, but really they’re more about hero worship, the “now will you talk? No, I will not!” types of scenarios. These kinds of fantasies can be played out with your man minus all the equipment, without the commitments to daily regimens of slave training and whatever else you’re supposed to do as a Female Dominant. Most people I know don’t have the time for it.
Good sex with your man should be impromptu sex, and the best domination fantasies are created spur of the moment, script as you go. An evening that might have begun with a standardized man on top, insert, deposit and good night, can suddenly become a “Go ahead, woman… do your worst.” Keeps the bedroom lively, plus, pretend bondage is less risky and far less expensive than the real thing. All it takes is an utterance from you along the lines of, “All right, mister. We’ll just see if you’re as tough as you think you are. Take him to the dungeon!”
See? You’ve already got imaginary people there to help you bind your man for pretend torture, and your man’s been given his cue that it’s time for him to go limp (body, not penis) while you run the show. Maybe your assistants are a gaggle of naked females. Make him think he’s going to be servicing every one of them whether he likes it or not, like Pete Radcliffe did. Or perhaps they’re hairy brutes in black boots, hoods and leotards, securing him to the stretch rack for some serious angst. Better yet, make your henchmen naked, too, which will give you the added element of your hapless victim wondering why your assistants are sporting hard-ons. Will there be manhandling to accompany the stretching? Of course there will! It is all done at your command. You get to play the role of molester and interrogator just by using your mouth — for talking, or whatever.
Now, where is his torture rack to be? How about right there on your mattress? Do you own a double-size or bigger bed with brass or wood head railings? Well, why the hell not? All you’ve got to do is guide his limp arms and legs to where you want him to be. He is playing along, after all. I’m sure he’ll grab hold and stretch himself for you — in an X, or in an I, or anything in between, like Barton Craneshaw did for Marjean. Wanna really put the screws to him? Throw some pillows down and make him lay on top of them. See how many he can take. That’ll lift his big ol’ chest way up high so you can have easy access for licking and kissing and finger manipulations.
Maybe after 15 minutes or so of that, you decide its time to put the lash to that chest of his. Belly, too, or any other body parts you feel like testing for stamina. Simple. Go to the laundry hamper and dig out one of his smelly socks. Or funky undershorts. Whip him with that. What’s the difference? It’s all pretend. Ok, use clean garments if you want. But why purchase a whip or flogger? He’s going to play like Hercules regardless, flexing his muscles and expanding his chest to take his whipping like a he-man, just to show you he can. So why thrash him for real? Do you really need him to scream like a hyena in heat? Wouldn’t you rather he grunt like a gorilla suffering constipation?
Yes, your bed can be so very useful for fantasy scenarios with your heroic man, the place where you can deny him orgasm for hours while you slime every inch of him with your frothing saliva and vaginal juices. Believe me, as a man I know this alone can be some very effective torment. You can even yank his legs down to the floor. Work on him that way, just like Loretta and Cassie did to Pete in my Black Pouch Crusader story. Pete’s bend-in-the-middle stretch rack was made of wood with real ropes. Yours can be the edge of the mattress with your man stretching himself — just for you. Another benefit of this position: his pecker’ll be pointing forward so you can see his hard-ass abdominals. Extend your tongue, evil one. Have a taste of him. Yummy!
Want to take your game out of the bedroom? Perhaps to the basement? Gym and weight lifting equipment are invaluable resources for fantasy scenarios of torment. Put him on a flat bench. Make him hold a couple of dumbbells parallel to his ears or beyond his head. Or do it without the dumbbells. Just make him put his arms into the weightlifting positions. With his heels on the floor you’ll be amazed at how impressively enticing he becomes. Then, when you get around to it, you can ride on him ’til the new day has dawned. Want to crucify him? Go to the hardware store and get a sturdy pole of steel or iron four feet long. Take him with you. Get your jollies watching him try to conceal his boner from the public. Once back home, balance your pole on top of the horizontal beam of iron holding up your house. He’ll know which beam I’m talking about. Make him put on his work gloves, or some sort of gloves with thick lining, and tell your imaginary henchmen to “raise him.” Your man jumps up to hang from the pole, angle of his arms whatever you tell him you want.
You say, “Now, mister. Ever had your dick sucked while you’re crucified?”
He says, “Damn you to hell, you sadistic hussie. Do what you’ve gotta do.”
So, there it is. That should be enough to get you going. Whatever you do, whether he’s tied up or not, make sure you and your man have a safe word — some word or name completely removed from sex, like, say, Pat Robertson. That should instantly scare you both back to reality.
You say, “What is it, my darling sweet pea? Did you gag on one of my pussy hairs?”
He says, “No, Brett Favre is on Conan tonight. Let me go program the record and I’ll be right back.”
Maybe you’ll get some ideas for your storylines from my books. That’s why I write them. All of them have something useful, and all of the heroes inside eventually win the day by using their masculine strength and reproductive tools. Of course, I don’t necessarily write them for you. I write them for me. All the men I’d like to be. All the crazy possibilities in my head, a few I’ve done, most I haven’t — yet. You might get some other ideas by browsing the web site where I hang out. Jardonn’s Erotic Tales.com — http://www.jardonnserotictales.com You’ll find some scripted audio mp3′s called Uncle Jasper’s Five-fingered Bedtime Stories, where I verbalize in a number of different voices scenarios of this very ilk. Many of these are also on my net radio program here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/jaspermccutcheon. All of them at either place are free for the listening. Bring your husband/manfriend. Give him an earfull of what he’s in for.
Anyway, there’s my take on this female domination business. In the privacy of your home, any man can be Gordon Scott or Pete Radcliffe, and any woman can be the evil queen or Loretta Speaks. And who knows? Your little fantasy dungeons of pretend might morph into a more structured, very real, very hot and very sexy relationship of bondage and discipline.
The newscast has ended and kiddies are sleeping. Now, tough guy. Are you ready to talk?
