What pinche cabrone out there invented Valentines Day?
Not that I’ve ever cared before, because it’s all for las chicas The only reason I ever thought about it was when I’d drive down Figueroa and see those famlias out there hawking cheap teddy-bears, heart balloons and flowers they bought yesterday on cheap when the flower mart downtown is getting ready to close. Same shit they do on Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day – colors just change. Sometimes, like if my sister’d just been dumped, I get her a little muñeca to make her smile.
Still, I like guys so this isn’t something I’m ever going to have to worry about.
But we’re getting out of a production meeting and everyone starts getting all loco about what they’re going to get in a week. Trying to one up each other on plans. Thing about TV is about half the guys have the West Hollywood accent…and they’re as bad as the chavas. All over my ass about what do I have planned for Nate or what I think he’s going to get me.
Planned? Shit.
Then the production assistant comes up and asks, like he’s doing me a favor, if I want him to order flowers for Nate and have them delivered where he works. Like that would be a good idea? Oh great, send the poor FTD guy into the police station over on San Fernando to deliver a dozen roses from Nate’s boyfriend. Cabrone, that’s like walking into Avenidas’ territory flashing Border Brothers’ signs. Great movie title: Death Wish XII: Valentines Day.
I don’t expect anything, but then I’m wondering if Nate’s going to expect something? Am I going to fuck this up? My big blonde gym-rat is not going to go for chocolates. Flowers seem so…girly. Not even going to go into stuffed animals. Since Valentines is, like, next week, there’s no way to get reservations anywhere decent. And shit, between both our jobs we’re both beat most of the time anyway.
Maybe, maybe, we’ll just do naked in bed all day?
Advice coming from my characters:
Nick Boyd: You think that’s bad? Throw observantly Jewish who doesn’t recognize Gentile holidays into the mix. My advice, a good steak dinner (make it if you can’t get reservations) and a blowjob. Never found a man yet who doesn’t like that. Of course, if he has enemies, delivering their severed heads on sticks makes a really nice bouquet as well.
Alice and Dinah: We adore Valentine’s and always try to make it very special for whatever man we’re with. A nice steak, all the lovely sex he wants. Maybe even a new, temporary piercing to delight him. Such a shame Alice always has to go and kill him.
Sean Dempsey: I have it easy. My boy’s a chocoholic. I always know what to get him. If yours won’t go for a big box of chocolate, what about a cake? Make him a good dinner, a chocolate cake and have hot sex until dawn.
Okay, I never said they would all give GOOD advice.