Dear Nicky,
Is it more fun to meticulously plan a ‘fantasy scene’ or just let the moment define the kinky good times?
Byron
Dear Byron,
Depends on what you’re seeking out of a scene, what your mood is, whether you and your partner have been together for a while…lots of factors go into what works.
Planned out scenes can be a real thrill. You go into it knowing what’s going on, what you want, and what you’re going to get. Especially since you’re fulfilling your fantasies it can be a real turn on.
There is also something great about anticipation.
You get to think about it for days. Imagine what’s going to happen. Plan your partner’s reactions…running through different ways to talk to them, to bind them, to hit them. What kind of lighting, leather or bindings are you going to use. You bring them all out, play with the ropes as you decide. Toys or no toys. Cockring…which one? Metal? Leather? Leather over a metal core with lions heads? (I’ve seen that one an it’s fucking hot.)
The downside, of course, is if you’ve planned it down to the sheets on your bed, then if things don’t go right it can blow the scene.
Think about it. You’ve planned the perfect fisting scenario. You got Crisco (and for fisting the tried and true basics work best). You’re feeling all powered up. Your bottom has gone through not only a round of Fleet Naturals (great Gay centered campaign btw), but also fasted and cleared out the day before with a good shot of laxatives. You’ve got your rubber sheets…
and there’s a big old rip down the middle.
If you’ve been putting every spare moment into thinking, breathing and imagining that scene – Well, you just hit a massive load of “top drop” and you haven’t even started yet.
Rarely does anything go as planned.
So I would guess it would depend on how well you roll with the punches. If you’re of the “fuck it, the kitchen floor is linoleum” or “hey the cotton sheets on the bed are crap anyway,” a little set back probably won’t completely derail you. But, still, it does take away from the shine a bit.
While I do like the build up of a planned scene, I’d have to say my favorite is the impromptu kink.
You’re getting undressed from a day at the salt mines. Your partner is bending over unlacing his boots. As you pull your belt out of the loops you snap it across his upturned ass. He yells and turns with that look in his eyes. All of a sudden, the charge hits.
Before you know it, you’ve got his hands bound behind his back with your fucking wage-slave tie, his socks are stuffed in his mouth, you booted foot pushes his head to the floor and your wailing on those upturned bare buns with your belt.
It’s violent.
It’s sexy.
It’s hotter than fucking hell.
It’s everything you could have never planned.
Well, Byron, I think you know where my preference lies.
Stay safe and sane,
Nicky
If you have any questions you’d like answered, email me at Nicky@James-Buchanan.com
Remember folks this is my opinion. Others may have differing views on the subject. I recommend doing a lot of research and talking to a lot of people before you start to play. I also recommend you read Safer Kinky Sex. http://actoronto.org/home.nsf/pages/bdsm/$file/BDSM%20Safer%20Kinky%20Sex.pdf
