From time to time, as I’m surfing the web, I’ll find someone asking advice about Kink/BDSM in their relationship. Usually somewhere in there they get to their partners feelings or things they’ve been told surface and it runs along the common vein of no one in their right mind would humiliate/abuse/abase/hurt/crush the one they love. Stepping out of the whole discussion of what BDSM really is, there seems to be a conception in the world of vanilla sheeples that no one who loved someone could ever do that so, therefore, a relationship with BDSM elements cannot possibly be a loving one.
Which is, frankly, a load of crap.
So, just for fun, because it’s the dreaded V-Day, l asked a few folks to give me their take on the cross-road of Love and BDSM.
Well BDSM is not so much about Love to me. In my opinion it’s simply a glass that you choose to pour experiences into.
John Noble taught me what a “real” romantic relationship was for the first time. He taught me what Love means and in the end he taught me what it can cost you. Learning BDSM the way I did from John Noble with a defined set or rules and values taught me responsibility and honor and service. He taught me pain can be pleasure but he also taught me pain can be loss and those things I will never forget. John Rocco and the Centaur MC taught me what Leather Community really was, not just that hyper masculine surface image you think about guys in Leather partying together in a Gay Motorcycle Club and those big events they put on but their core values. What is at the heart of those bigger than life men behind the scenes when the party is over. John Rocco and the Centaur MC taught me what “real” brotherhood and acceptance is about.
So that is what BDSM & Love means to me, your mileage may very. ~Dick D.
“What’s love got to do with BDSM? In my opinion – everything! A good beating at the hand of a skilled Top is always fun, but when administered with love, it takes on a much deeper and more profound dimension. A loving Dominant who knows how to lay on the whip with just the right touch of cathartic cruelty (in the sense of “cruel to be kind”) can bring about an incredible release for both Top and bottom. I honestly don’t think it’s possible to have a BDSM relationship without love – or at the very least, affection and respect.” ~Cat Grant
Well I’ll put it this way. I am a Dom. I wouldn’t have a long term relationship with a sub I didn’t love/have feelings for. ~Vincent Alexander