Guest Blogger » James Buchanan

How do I get myself into this shit? Must be my inner subby, who doesn’t know how to say no to hot, forceful people *g*.

So James has asked me to blog about something BDSM-ish. Where the fuck do I start? It’s such a wide area, and it’s almost always wrong…at least in the m/m books I’ve read. That’s 2 parts authors being too lazy to do a little research, or have a beta in the Scene who can check it over for accuracy, and one part using a little artistic license to make to make the book a little more interesting. I mean, rope play is fun and beautiful, but if you’re observing, it’s alot like watching grass grow. Slow and silent and takes a long time to get to the end result.

While I’m willing to forgive much if the rest of the story is compelling, there are a few things that pop up ad nauseum that just drive me bugnuts crazy:

1) Submissives aren’t stupid. They’re not weak. Most of them were never either physically or sexually abused as a child, nor do they have any other mental problem that needs to be addressed with the flick of a whip. They’re not trying to run away from their past, or their present problems. Yet, poor subbies are constantly portrayed as disturbed individuals who would better benefit from a good therapist than a good Dom/me. Or as self-loathing/borderline mentally incapacitated idiots who somehow think they deserve to be beat on. Nothing could be further from the truth.

It takes a great deal of courage to give yourself over to someone, to let go of all control and let someone else take charge, even for a short period of time. To make yourself vulnerable in the deepest way possible. To have no way to defend yourself if the person you’ve just given everything to suddenly morphs into an asshole and takes advantage.

2) Smug bastards annoy me. Not everyone who decides to stand up and make a decision in life is a Dom/me. And just because some guy has decreed that he’s an alpha male, doesn’t mean that all subbies are going to fall at their feet and beg to serve the dumb ass. Actually, a smart subbie would run the other way. Dom/mes who are that full of themselves are so focused on their own greatness that they’re likely to maim or kill someone.

3) I will fly a book at the wall 100% of the time if it includes a bar scene where two people meet, decide to get freaky, and go home to play with the handcuffs. Any character who will let a drunk stranger take them to an unknown location and tie them up to anything, thus inhibiting their ability to get away, is entirely too stupid to live, and thus not worth my time reading about.

4) I will also fly a book at the wall if the Dom/me hasn’t the slightest idea what the heck they’re doing. Again, this is lack of research. Two minutes on Google would tell you that clove knots are just not practical on the hands and feet of your subby. When someone moves, those knots get tighter. Nobody wants to have to stop in the middle of a scene to cut a sub loose because they no longer have blood flowing to vital areas. Yet may books continue to describe a sub being tied up in what is essentially a clove hitch. No. No No NO!

5) Spankings as punishment. You’re kidding me, right? Spanking is fun. It’s a treat. If a subby can mouth off and end up over their Dom/mes knee getting their ass reddened…we call that play time. Any Dom/me who thinks they’re scolding their subby by smacking their ass is a complete fucktard and not actually a Dom/me at all. Twice over. One, if you react to a sub, you’ve promptly lost all control of your scene, which is something that should NEVER happen. Ever. Two, if you’re dumb enough to think that a little OTK hurts or makes subbies sad, there is no help for you. Those crocodile tears? Just another way we like to manipulate our tops.

There are things I don’t like to read about, because they’re just not my cuppa: scat play, watersports, chibi smexing, bestiality, and some edge play like blood and breath. No, I don’t count vamp stories as blood play. I spend way too much time being pissed off to appreciate reading about someone getting pissed on. While I do enjoy the occasional sexy feeding scene, I don’t like food so much that I’d be interested in the contents of someone’s colon. I realize that enemas are a fact of life for gay men, but feel free to gloss over that part in stories. I won’t feel at all deprived. Promise.

What are some BDSM tropes in stories that run you up the wall?